Tony Stark: Overprotective Tin Can
by DefrostingSteve
Summary: Tony Stark has coped with the papparazzi all his life, so it's simple to say he knows what he's doing. But when it comes to Steve Rogers, he has no idea what to do. Somebody needs to help him, before the papers twist his words and rip him to shreds.


'You're not going out there again.' Tony hissed, grabbing Steve's arm before he could walk away.

'I think I can take care of myself.' Steve cooly responded. 'Let go of me.'

'Not until you agree you're not going back out there! They'll murder you, you know right? I wouldn't put it past them…'

'What do you care anyway, Stark?' Steve narrowed his eyes, and Tony dropped his grip on Steve. 'That's what I thought.' Steve muttered as he walked away.

'Rogers!' Tony shouted at Steve's back, causing him to stop walking, and slowly turn around.

'Yes?'

'You're not prepared for this, and they know it. You're vulnerable, an easy target. Don't. Go. Out. There.' Tony added on the 'Please?' mentally.

'Try and stop me.' Steve gritted his teeth and walked off into the kitchen.

'You know, you really should cut him some slack. Or at least not antagonize him more.' An easily recognizable voice filled the hallway.

'Shit! Barton where are you? Vents. Of course. I swear to god I'm going to put a gas in there one day, smoke you out.' Tony threated as he walked off towards his lab.

'Aww, did I hurt the big man's feelings? Is the big brain's ego too upset to talk? Baby boo.' Tony could hear Clint trying to hold back his laughter.

'I refuse to talk to a pest. And you, Barton, are a pest. Get out of my vents. And stop listening in my conversations! Shit!'

Clint popped out of a vent, upside down, right in front of Tony's face, causing Tony to jump back.

'You know what I think?' Clint said gleefully, swinging back and forth casually. 'I think you're a little_ too_ possessive. I think, you're a little_ too_ concerned. I think-'

Tony went to slap Clint in the face, but he dodged to the side, so Tony pulled on his t-shirt instead, causing Clint to fall onto the floor.

'Shit Stark! Control your temper!' Clint stretched out on the floor.

'And I think someone's skills are slipping…'

'I know someone who will be slipping when Natasha gets her hands on him.' Clint smiled widely. 'Might tell her now, might tell her later… Might just let you sit and sweat for a bit…'

'You were a piece of shit in your past life Barton. Either that or a fly. A really fat one that everyone hated.'

'And you were gay. Or is that in this life?'

'Go find your own home.'

'Someone's scared of Natasha, someone's scared of Natasha…' Clint sung as he swung himself back up and walked off.

'Running off to tell mummy? You're a little girl Barton, a little girl!' Tony shouted the last part, but Clint just laughed.

'Someone's scared of Natasha, someone's scared of Natasha…' Clint sung louder as he walked into the living room.

'Who isn't scared of Natasha?' Tony whispered, walking down the stairs to his lab and imagining all the different things she could do, and all the places he could hide from her.

'Jarvis, don't let anybody into the lab. Closed for the day. And don't interrupt me for anything, I don't care.' Tony stood in his lab, looking around happily.

'What about-'

'Mute.' Tony said lazily.

* * *

'I don't understand.' Steve said, his brow furrowed as he tried to make sense of whatever Clint was talking about.

'Right okay okay, let me start again. In a world-'

'In this world?'

'No! Just, in a strange world, pick a world at random. Loki's world! In Loki's world, a potato and a tomato-'

'Does Loki's world have potatoes and tomatoes?' Steve asked.

'I don't know…' Clint paused, thinking through all the things he knew. 'Let's say they do! Right, a potato and a tomato need to be together to have baby potatoes and tomatoes. Understand so far?'

'I think…' The doubt was clear in Steve's voice.

'But! One day, a potato said 'I don't want to marry a tomato anymore!-'

'Why?' Steve questioned.

'What?' Clint asked, confused.

'Why didn't the potato want to marry the tomato? Was there something wrong with the tomato? Did he not love the tomato-'

'Yes, yes, yes! That one, the love one, that's the reason. So anyway-'

'Poor tomato.' Steve whispered, suddenly looking sad.

Clint opened his mouth, but was unsure of what to say. 'What?' He finally asked.

'Well, the tomato. The potato didn't love her, and I bet she loved him. So the potato's just left her, and now she's all alone, and I bet she feels useless, and doesn't understand what's wrong with her.' Steve looked down at the floor. 'Poor tomato.' He repeated.

Clint didn't understand what was going on, but he had to say something before Steve's bottom lip came out, which he feared was about to happen.

'No no no, it's fine, she finds another potato and they go off and have seven children-Er, vegetables-together and it's all happy families and they're great. They really are, they're super.' Clint nodded vigorously.

'Oh okay then. So what happened to the potato?' Steve asked, clearly happier now.

'What potato?' Clint was getting more and more confused with very minute.

'The potato that left.'

'What potato that left?'

'I'm not sure.' Both Clint and Steve now looked confused, and extremely upset. They looked down at the floor, trying to unravel the confusion.

A laughter broke their thoughts.

'Oh god, I can't take this anymore.' Natasha was leaning against the doorway into the living room.

'Help me?' Clint asked her with giant puppy eyes and pretending to sniffle.

Natasha laughed again, walking over to the two men sat on the couch. 'You, are an idiot.'

'Hey! I'm trying!' Clint put his head on her shoulder.

Steve looked at them. 'I still don't understand! What is he trying to do? Is this some type of fairytale that I haven't heard of before?' Steve looked back and forth between Clint and Natasha, before resting his gaze on Natasha.

'Clint, you are so warped. Look at his face, he looks like he's about to start crying!' She swatted Clint on his head, turning her back on him and giving her full attention to Steve.

'I am not about to start-' Steve began, defensively.

'Are you gay?' Natasha said simply.

Steve turned bright red. 'I think that's a bit personal, Nat.' He squirmed in his seat, unsure of where to look now.

'Nat? How come he gets to call you Nat and I don't, and I've seen you naked?' Clint proclaimed.

Natasha slapped his again.

'Shut up, you idiot.'

'This is abuse. I'm leaving. And I'm calling a hotline to complain about my abusive neglectful wife.'

'Wife?' Steve questioned.

Natasha turned to Clint and gave him a look he liked to call the I'm-going-to-cut-you-into-pieces-when-you're-asleep-and-make-you-eat-your-favourite-piece look.

'I'm going to leave…' Clint stood up slowly. 'Got a phone call to make, childline, police, Fury… Who knows?' He winked and ran off before Natasha could throw something at him.

Natasha took a deep breath. 'He's a little girl.' She muttered.

'You are the second person to make that statement tonight, Agent Romanoff.' Jarvis stated. 'It was said not half an hour ago by Mr Stark.'

'Back to our original point of conversation!' Natasha turned back to Steve. 'Are you gay?'

Steve, who was still pink from the first time of asking the question, turned bright red.

'And don't give me any of that 'That's personal' crap, we're a team, we live together, nothing's too personal anymore.'

She looked at Steve, not saying anything else until he answered.

'I think… 'Gay' means homosexual, right? Well, erm… It was different back then, it wasn't… Allowed… Whereas now… I think…' He stuttered, turning more and more pink as he went on.

Natasha raised her eyebrow at him.

'Yes.' Steve fidgeted on his seat, and played with his hands.

'Steve?' Natasha said softly.

'Yes?' He still looked down at his hands.

'Steve.' Natasha said louder now. Steve looked up at her and frowned slightly. 'There's nothing wrong with it. So don't think that, ever.'

'Are you sure?' Steve whispered.

'Positive.' Natasha smiled at him.

'Okay.' Steve took a deep breath, and smiled back at her.

'Now, I want you to do me a favour…' Natasha smiled at him ever so slightly bigger now.

* * *

'Mr Stark-'

'I thought I told you to mute, Jarvis?' Tony glared at the ceiling, taking his eyes off of the device in his hands.

'You told me to contact you in a situation like this, no matter what the previous instructions.'

The device in Tony's hand sprung up and hit him on the side of his face.

'Ow! Little piece of-' He rubbed his face so his words became muffled. 'What is it Jarvis?'

'Somebody has instructed me not to tell you something.'

'Tell me.' Tony replied straight away.

'They asked me not to, sir.'

'Jarvis, I will rewire you.'

'You have said that on multiple occasions, sir.'

'And I mean it this time, sassy English smart arse. Tell me what they told you not to tell me.'

'Captain Steve Rogers has left the building.'

It was silent for a few moments.

'Where is he going to Jarvis? I need co-ordinates and his exact location. How many paparazzi are around him? Have they squished him yet? Is he alone? Is he alright?' Tony said all this while putting the suit on, preparing to leave.

'He's outside Piccolino's Restaurant, sir.'

'Hm. Never knew he liked Italian. Good place to go, that's my favourite.' Tony's thought track went elsewhere, before he shook himself. 'Open the door, Jarvis. I need to go get him.'

'As you wish, sir.'

Tony flew out of his workshop and into the sky, high enough so he was higher than all the buildings. He found the quickest route to Steve, and flew as fast as he could.

When he arrived at the restaurant, it was worse than he thought. Steve had his back to the wall, reports and paparazzi were everywhere, flashing lights at him and shouting questions.

And, bless him, he was trying to answer them all.

Tony shook his head.

People began to turn around and notice him, moving back from Steve to give Tony room to land.

The second he landed, he took off his helmet and looked at Steve.

'I told you not to leave the building.' His voice was thunderous.

'You can't tell me what to do, Stark.'

'What were you trying to do?'

'Natasha told me a good place to eat, booked a table for this time, and told me to go enjoy myself.'

'Natasha's an idiot. You can't go anywhere like this anymore, or at least not alone. How long have these animals,' Tony gestured to the paparazzi surrounding them, who were still flashing their cameras and shouting questions, 'been following you?'

Steve hesitated before answering. 'They were outside your house. The more I walked, the more appeared.'

'You WALKED?' Tony shouted at him.

'Yes, I LIKE walking.'

'WHY DO YOU THINK I HAVE A GARAGE FULL OF EXPENSIVE CARS THAT NOBODY REALLY LIKES?'

'Mr Stark, are you saying you dislike the new model Ferrari gave you last month?'

'Mr Stark, why do you buy cars you don't like?'

'Mr Stark, how does it feel to have just insulted some of the most expensive car makers in the world?'

Tony rolled his eyes and turned to the paparazzi.

'It feels wonderful. I buy cars because I can, and I hate the new Ferrari. Velvet seats, ew. Only an idiot would do that.'

'Mr Stark, is it true you think Captain America is an idiot?'

'When did I say that?' Tony looked surprised.

'Captain America was telling us about who likes who in the house. He said you like everyone apart from him.'

'I did not! I just said Tony always finds something to talk about with people, and is great with helping everyone without even realising what he's doing.' Steve said loudly, blushing.

'Then you said apart from you.'

'I said we don't talk as much as what we do with other people!' Steve looked flustered and unsure. 'I don't think Tony likes people like me.'

'Do you really think that?' Tony said quietly, but Steve's serum-improved hearing caught it. He turned away from the press to look at Tony.

'Of course I do.' Tony could tell by Steve's voice that he meant it.

'Mr Stark, what do you think of Captain America?'

'Mr Stark, why do you hate Captain America?'

'Mr Stark, why do you talk to everyone apart from Captain America?'

Steve looked at the press, then shook his head. 'I don't want to hear this. I'll see you later.' He began walking into the restaurant.

'I think Steve Rogers, because yes that is his actual name, is a brilliant man. The best. I've never met anyone like him, and to be honest, I'll be glad if I never do again. He's too good. I stand next to a man like that and I remember all the bad things I've done and I want to do good things to make up for them. I stand next to a man like that, and all I want to do is go save some animals from being tested on, give all my money to a charity, crap like that. And if there were more people like him, I couldn't take it. We all have secrets and we all do bad things, but not Steve Rogers. He is the best of the best. That's why I don't talk to him. I talk to him and I feel bad for everything I've ever done, and the amount of things I've done, that's a lot of bad feelings. I don't hate Captain America, I look up to him. I admire him. And you all should too.'

Everyone was quiet, taking this all in, and then the flashings and the questions started again.

'There's no stopping you people.' Tony rolled his eyes and prepared his suit to fly off back home. Before he could though, someone grabbed him.

'Did you mean that?' Steve asked him. They were stood facing each other, barely any space between them.

'Every word.' Steve kept staring at Tony. Tony thought he was staring at him until he said it was all lies, when actually Steve was staring at him in shock and awe. 'What? I actually have a heart you know, and sometimes, just sometimes, I think about other people that aren't me-'

Steve placed his mouth on Tony's, shutting him up.

As Tony brought his hand up to cup Steve's face, paparazzi were going crazy. Lights were flashing constantly, Tony could tell even with his eyes closed. Questions were being screamed at them, but Tony heard none of it properly.

Steve was kissing him. That was all he cared about.


End file.
